It Is Definitely You And Not Me

You know that heart-sinking feeling when someone says, "Can we talk?" If you're anything like me, your first instinct might be to find the nearest exit. These three little words often signal that it's time to face something off-kilter, and honestly, it feels like being called into the principal's office all over again. I've always found these moments incredibly daunting. Whether it's feedback, criticism, or a well-meaning suggestion, it somehow always translates in my head to, "Brace yourself for a rundown of your personal failings." Sound familiar?

It's tough, isn't it? Being on the receiving end of feedback, no matter how sugar-coated, can feel like a spotlight on your weaknesses. And somehow, there's this expectation to take it all in stride, with grace and maturity. Let's be real for a second—how is one supposed to do that without flinching? It feels like an unfair expectation, especially when what you're hearing feels like a personal attack.

So, why does this get under my skin so much? For me, it boiled down to my inability to set boundaries and a chronic case of people-pleasing. I used to take any suggestion or critique and immediately try to mold myself to fit others' expectations, never stopping to question whether their advice was actually beneficial for me. This endless cycle of adapting and changing based on others' opinions left me exhausted and wondering who the real 'me' was amidst all these conflicting voices.

Then, one day, everything changed. I hit my limit. The breakthrough came during a group therapy session. The therapist pointed out my tendency to take feedback too well, constantly altering myself to please others. It was a wake-up call. I realized I had lost my own voice in the noise of trying to be what everyone else wanted.

This journey taught me that feedback often carries more about the person giving it than about you. People give advice based on their experiences, perceptions, and biases, which doesn't necessarily make it right for you. Sometimes, their feedback is more about them projecting their issues onto you. The key lesson here? More often than not, it's them, not you.

I've learned to approach feedback with a critical mind. Does the feedback have merit? Could I have handled things better? Is there a lesson here for me? If yes, I take it to heart and work on it. If not, I simply say thanks and move on. Remember, no one should expect you to be perfect. Be wary of feedback that feels more like an attempt to control or manipulate you under the guise of helpfulness.

It's crucial to keep an open mind but also to maintain a healthy distance from criticism. Don't let it define you. We're all human, and it's natural to get defensive sometimes (I still do), especially if the feedback hits a sore spot. But, at the end of the day, the goal is not to shut out all feedback but to sift through it, take what's useful, and leave the rest. Always remember: you are your own person, with your own beliefs and ways. And sometimes, just sometimes, you might actually be right.

So, let's not let feedback, criticism, or the fear of judgment weigh us down. Instead, let's use it as a tool for growth, without losing sight of who we are in the process. After all, life's too short to live it according to someone else's script.