Being Myself in a World Full of Performances
Ah, adulthood—a magical realm where you learn that nobody knows what they’re doing, but some people are just better at faking it. Lately, I’ve been neck-deep in the startup hustle, head down, grinding away, and let me tell you—it’s been a lot. Some days, it feels like the soul gets squeezed out of me, one “Can you align on this?” at a time.
But here’s the kicker: it’s not just the work. It’s the people. More specifically, the leaders. Have you ever met someone who’s fluent in “corporate wokeness” but acts like a dictator in Lululemon? They drop the buzzwords like “safe spaces” and “psychological safety” while micromanaging you into oblivion. It’s all, “Do as I say, not as I do,” but with a PowerPoint slide about inclusion.
Now, let me clarify—I’m not perfect. I’m far from it. But something about being told to “follow the leader” without any earned respect really grinds my gears. Shouldn’t leadership be about inspiring people to want to follow, not just demanding it? It’s as if they’ve mistaken being loud and charismatic for being effective. Newsflash: I don’t want a leader who performs. I want one who’s real. Someone comfortable in their skin and consistent in their values—not someone who moonlights as a motivational speaker and gaslights me into thinking it’s leadership.
The Boundary Blues
Here’s where it gets juicy. My current leader—bless their heart—has always enjoyed working with friends. Meanwhile, I’ve been the one voicing discomfort, pointing out how tricky it can get when work and personal relationships blur. But I was told, “It’s just how I like to work.” Fast forward a few months, and now they’re lecturing me about keeping a professional distance because apparently, people “can’t maintain boundaries.”
Oh, the irony! It’s like watching someone plant weeds in their own garden and then blame the flowers for not thriving.
Let’s not forget their definition of professionalism. They say they want leaders who are buttoned-up and formal. Fine. But then I see them cursing in meetings and oversharing like we’re at happy hour. When I asked for clarity on what “professionalism” means to them, they couldn’t explain it. If you’re going to hold me to a standard, at least define it.
Culture Confusion
And the culture? Let’s just say it’s giving whiplash. One moment, they’re quoting the latest leadership book and rolling out sweeping changes; the next, they’re rewarding toxic team members for behavior that should’ve been addressed ages ago. Case in point: a team member throws people under the bus, lies, and creates chaos. Instead of holding them accountable, the CEO rewards them publicly. Managers are then blamed for not creating a “safe space.” I’m sorry, but how is that on the manager? That’s not a safe space issue—that’s a “this person’s a problem” issue.
The whole thing feels like being trapped in a car with a drunk driver. They’re swerving all over the road, and we’re just hanging on for dear life, hoping the airbags work.
A Plea for Reflection
So, here’s my two cents to anyone in a leadership role: before you dish out advice or implement the wisdom from your latest book club read, reflect. Does this suit your personality? Can you actually follow through consistently? If not, maybe skip the TED Talk moment and focus on leading by example. Otherwise, you’re just confusing everyone and leaving a trail of disillusioned employees in your wake.
At the end of the day, I don’t want to “perform” as a leader. I just want to be. Be clear. Be authentic. Be human. And maybe, just maybe, help create a space where others feel like they can be, too.
Until then, I’m hanging on tight in this metaphorical car and praying for a designated driver. 🚗💨